The neighbors came by today and brought Essie a hand-me-down princess dress complete with tiara. Esther snatched the bag then disappeared upstairs to put on the dress and tiara and never made another appearance again. Instead, she spent most of the day in front of the mirror or in her bed, fully immersed in the role of fair maiden. She needed very little supervision or input from anyone.
Like any woman who knows she is wearing the perfect outfit and looks great, she was floating above it all. She was brimming with confidence and potential and nothing could bring her back down to earth. She played make believe all day, discussing who was the loveliest in the land, where her prince was, where the evil queen was and who would kill the dragons. She ruled her own land in which all was as she wished. No one could touch her as long as she was wearing this dress.
How telling. The reason I am feeling so down and insecure is mostly because I can’t fit in any of my clothes, too small for maternity, too big for my usuals. No amount of self coaching and positive thinking can help change the reflection in the mirror that screams, “vulnerable, unattractive, woman in ill-fitting clothes.” Thus I am rendered powerless despite the fact that I just pulled off one of nature’s most powerful feats, giving birth. Until I find my princess dress, I cannot properly rule my world.