Monday, January 25, 2010

The joy of loose, or at least looser, jeans

I finally located some roomier jeans. Thank God. What with my ill- fitting bras, is there such a thing as a comfortable bra? and all my clingy, unforgiving waist bands, why did I get rid of all those stretch jeans, I was vying for the Miss Irritable USA, or is it World, title. Too tight waistbands could start wars if enough women were subjected to them on the same day.

Admitting you need to go a size up in pants, at age 44, is kind of like adapting to a new country. You've got to be flexible. And to think I had imagined France, by osmosis, would render me chicly svelte. I didn't take the cost of all that emotional eating (did you know chocolate is an anti-depressant?) and wine drinking, into consideration.

There's also that little problem of no snow to slide around on. My primary forms of exercise in winter were cross country skiing, which I could do by stepping out the door at my house in Vermont, and ice hockey, which I played twice, sometimes three times, per week.

My turning my back on France simply because she has temporarily lost some of her physical beauty reminds me of the kind of men, I don't know any personally but have heard about them, who take issue with their wives for losing their figure when pregnant.

How shallow am I?

After all, none of this is France's fault. She made me no promises. She did not ask me to impregnate her with all my vain hopes and fantasies of escape into a better, more beautiful, more art -filled, better- coffee-filled, thinner, blonder, world where simply riding my bike down the street, carrying that fresh baguette under my arm, breathing in the air, and perhaps wearing some funky, decidedly- Euro shoes, would render me forever complacent.

I simply expected too much from her. Nothing less than transformation: The chance to be someone else, the bragging rights of a third language -- I can brag of temporarily bi-lingual children- and a swishy- sounding address. A somehow more meaningful existence.

But a country, or a city, or a town, or a house, no single place can provide this for anyone. Because, in the words of Buckaroo Banzai- "Wherever you go, there you are."
And, yup, last time I checked, I'm still here.

Related BabyCenter post over here.


Brooke G. said...

Fat pants are the BEST!!!! THANK GOD you located those... everyone needs a pair (or two) close by! :)
I totally get what you are saying about expecting too much happiness out of ONE thing... you are almost setting yourself up for disappointment. I think that was the cause of my mild post-partum depression years ago after my first born. We tried and tried forever to get pregnant and I was just sure that having a baby would make me THE happiest person in the world. I had NO idea what the first couple months would be like. Anyway, hang in there. Spring in France has got to be worth suffering through the winter.

Emma said...

If you ever find that comfortable bra, let me know!

Btw, i choose the fresh baguette, chocolate and wine any day over a svelte figure.... Life is too short to be hungry ;)

Happy Australia day!

cecile said...

Chocolate and wine, I think they are worth it. Hang on, it will be Spring soon... sooner than in Vermont, and Spring in France is beautiful.
Cecile (depressed in New England... wants to be in France... well, how could we all be happy ???)

Anonymous said...

What a terrible (though loyal) reader I am - when I saw the title I was immediately jealous, thinking you had fit back into the smaller jeans while I'm still popping over the edges of mine. If it is any consolation it was your posts last year (and the fact that I'm finally done with pregnancies and nursing) about being depressed/irritable in the winter that I took what felt like a huge step and had my doctor write my own prescription. I'm waiting the 4-6 weeks it's supposed to take...
A Canadian (who does not like hockey or skiing) struggling with the winter

Karin (an alien parisienne) said...

Awww, maaaan!! You sure got me with the Buckaroo Banzai reference!! *grin* Thanks for that.

This post has so much flat out TRUTH in it, all I can really comment is, "Amen, sistah."

Here's to the 40s, to winter being over soon in France, and to having a variety of pants sizes in one's closet. *ching ching*

Betsy said...

Fat pants are the best. I should have made that my title, it would have been less misleading.

I know what you mean, Brooke, about feeling as if you should be perfectly content with your life once you have children. But that is short sighted, we all learn with hindsight.

And Emma: As if the boulangeries are conspiring against me, my favorite one now has chocolette? I think its called on display. It is food porn. A baguette with strips of chocolate baked into it. Yes, chocolate bread.
Cecile: I've been depressed in New England, many a time. February is the worst month for me. But sometimes I can be depressed in September, the too beautiful weather, the last call for summer, gets me every time.
Anonymous: Glad you took time to comment, and I'm glad you visited your doctor. Hope your prescription works out. Serotonin uplifters, have lifted me up, and out, of the swamp before.
Karin: Ching ching indeed. amen to you.

Mary Anne said...

I loved reading your posts before, but now that you've quoted Buckaroo Banzai, you're stuck with me forever.

I'm fighting all my pants now, with a steadfast refusal to go up yet another size. I've been living with an out of whack knee cap for a while and am finally getting it dealt with, so no skiing for me this season, but hoping to get better in time for spring in New England.

If I had chocolate bread available to me, the pants would have won.

Karin (an alien parisienne) said...

"A baguette with strips of chocolate baked into it. Yes, chocolate bread." That. Is. Pure. Evil.

Argh! What will the French think of next to torture us, eh?

Betsy said...

Karin: The saddest part of that story is, I resisted buying it, like a masochistic supermodel wannabe, three different times, and today I marched in there, intent on seizing the day, or devouring the baked goods, and they weren't there anymore. (ne XXX plus, was there a verb in there?)
I have to learn to listen better. I get the point, but miss the actual words because I stop listening. I could cry.

Betsy said...

MaryAnne. I just tried to comment on your blog. This happens a lot with blogs that look like yours. They ask me to select a profile, then reject me faster than a swishy night club doorman.
I really need to watch Buckaroo Banzai again. I saw it in college and don't remember a thing other than that quote.

mooserbeans said...

One time I was watching a makeover show and the host said "No one can see what size pants you're wearing. They can only see if they fit right or not." I have made peace with going up a pants size because now not only do I feel more comfortable, I look better. How silly did I look trying to cram my middle aged self into college jeans? Enjoy your pants and next time seize that baguette!

Karin (an alien parisienne) said...

Hey Betsy! I have a little funny story for you. I was going to send you an email but I am being a little lazy as at I am in my best friend's home in Antibes this week and am only logged into Google Reader at the moment.

Janet, my friend in Antibes, has stacks of magazines in her home in English and every time I come to visit her, I gather up a pile and bring them into the guest bedroom loft bed with a hot water bottle and joyfully read the glossy pages in a language I can understand until I fall asleep.

One of the subscriptions she had was to Family Fun magazine. A couple of nights ago, I was paging through the beginnings of the October 2007 issue when guess what I saw?! That's right: YOU, looking at me from the page with your name boldly across the top of the page!

I smiled and smiled, and thought, "That's just too WEIRD!!" and then thought about how sometimes the world feels like a very small place. :)

I have not had a chance for a couple of Fridays to visit the blog on BabyCenter, and may be able to check in later this week, but we are kind of busy overdosing on gluten-free chocolate items we've been baking and on old episodes of "Project Runway" she's downloaded, lol. So far we have watched all of Seasons 5 and 1 and have begun Season 4, hahaha. Nothing like having a girlfriend, eh? I say you need to fly one of yours out to visit you, STAT. It helps the winter blues an awful lot. ;)

Be well and I hope to touch base with you again soon.

Take care!
(an alien parisienne)