Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Don't it always seem to go
I am in California, finally meeting with the BabyCenter editorial staff and fellow bloggers. What a ridiculously long way to go:To the other side of the world, for a meeting.
But I am happy to have been invited. I feel validated after all these years of dutifully sharing every last painful detail of my experience as a mom. It's nice to finally know who I'm working for. They have faces and names and personalities.
It's been so long since I've been away from my kids, I'm rusty. I don't know how to be so free. It feels awkward. It feels wonderful. It feels wrong. It feels deliciously right.
A funny thing happened the morning I left. I went from my usual distracted scatterbrain, to being so tuned in to each moment with my kids, time slowed down.
I was mindful. No longer was I saying ”I don’t have time for this.” (If ever this was true, it actually was that morning because I was still packing.)
Yet I knew on this morning, felt it in my veins, that I had time for nothing else. Life was now. Isla asked me to read to her from our Beatrix Potter collection book. She rarely asks me to read to her. She sat, warm in my lap, her head against my shoulder as I read about Peter and Benjamin Bunny. Esther drew nearer and nearer before finally installing herself on the arm of the chair, leaning hard into my side. Normally she was "too old" for Peter Rabbit.
Being with my children like that, felt like the only thing truly important right then and there. I was being the mom I so often chide myself for not being. At that moment. It was clear to me. It reminded me of a scene from The Little Prince when the pilot puts down his tools to console the boy.
"The night had fallen. I had let my tools drop from my hands. Of what importance now was my hammer, my bolt, or thirst, or death? On one star, one planet, my planet, the Earth, there was a little prince to be comforted. "
Grownups are so dumb. (With the exception of Antoine St. Exupéry.)